New Dad Boot Camp
Becoming a father is a different type of boot camp. You will be sleep deprived, hungry and physically exhausted! One smile from your little one will make it all worth it. New fathers are a little behind when it comes to accepting that life is going to drastically change. Mommy has been mommy since conception and her life has already drastically changed. She had 40 more weeks to come to terms with this than you did. This can cause big problems in a relationship sometimes. New fathers often feel they aren't doing a good enough job or they don't rate. This isn't the case. You may be able to diffuse tension by understanding mom and letting her know you realize you are a little behind because she has been changing physically and emotionally since conception. Just recognizing this can make a big difference.
It can take much longer than 6 weeks for a woman to "go back to normal." I know the doctors say 6 weeks and everything will be fine. But, I can tell you this can take almost a year! Why? Women can have physical damage that may cause lasting pain during child birth. They also may be dealing with breastfeeding, hormonal changes, weight issues and birth control options. Pregnancy is a big feat to undertake and being sensitive to your partner will go a long way.
Be careful not to become a push-over. While I strongly advocate being sensitive, be sure to also speak your mind. You are a parent too and have the right to make decisions regarding your child. Don't give all control over to mom. This will not only make you feel out of the loop, it will also overwhelm your partner. No matter how bossy or "mommy knows best" a woman can come off, we like it when dad takes control and makes decisions.
Staying home is hard work. Whether you or your partner choose to stay home, it needs to be recognized it is hard work. Being home with my boys is the hardest career I have ever had. It requires careful planning, loads of patience and physical activity. Staying home is non-stop work and there is not a quitting time or a run to Starbucks for morning coffee. Parents who stay home feel isolated often, and can suffer from depression. The lack of adult conversation and cognitive stimulation are some drawbacks to staying home. The quality time with the baby and lack of work stress are some pros to staying home. Every night, mom and dad need to make time for each other and talk about each others day because even if it was the same as yesterday it is nice to know someone cares to hear about it.
Make mom leave the house without you and the baby sometimes. This is important because it gives dad some time to bond with the baby his own way. It also gives mom some time to get things done or pamper herself. Having a baby changes life, but we are all still individuals with hobbies or interests that didn't disappear because a baby came along.
