"Your baby is very healthy, growing well, but you may need to see a occupational therapist..."
What does that mean?! This happened to me with my oldest son, Tate. I knew he seemed a little slower than other babies when it came to gross motor skills, but I didn't think therapy was necessary. I was heartbroken. Did I do something wrong? Was he not getting enough nutrition? Did he hit his head to hard? Next, I did the worst thing possible... I Googled. Every worst case scenario was thrown at me in a string of mommy circles and posts. Words like cerebral palsy and neurological condition came up. Now I was freaking out, having panic attacks. I was also 6 months pregnant at the time going through all the stages of grieve, and it was completely unnecessary.
Yes, unnecessary. If you are in this spot, do NOT freak out. It will be fine. There isn't much support for parents of late bloomers. I was usually at play dates hearing how this baby rolled both ways at 4 months and that baby crawled by 6 months. These proud parents don't realize the shame and guilt parents of late bloomers feel at hearing this and having nothing to add. I just quit going out. It was too much for my son and I to handle. Finally, I stopped resisting therapy.
I went to see the occupational therapist for an evaluation. It was painless and covered by insurance. I learned most counties have a program set up to help with these situations and that early intervention is healthy for your child. My husband fought it because it felt it was unnecessary and not good for Tate. Turns out those feelings of guilt and shame weigh just as much on daddy as mommy. We kept thinking if Tate went to therapy something was wrong and it was our fault. Truth is - NOTHING was wrong, he was just different.
The therapist evaluation made me feel so much better. Yes, my son did display a 3 month delay in gross motor skills, but he also displayed enhanced cognitive and emotional skills. I was not totally getting it wrong and my baby was growing and learning! It was a relief to hear this. I went ahead with therapy to work on the gross motor skills. Tate displayed a condition known as low muscle tone. Low muscle tone doesn't always infer not normal muscle tone, but muscle tone that falls on the low side of average. Children with low muscle tone must be stronger to compensate. My son had just as much strength as other babies his age, but he needed a little more to accomplish the same the tasks. He also needed confidence.
Providing a safe environment, being very patient and giving encouragement will provide a foundation for confidence. When babies try to do something and find they are not able and they can get hurt, they back off. Sometimes they get anxious because they don't have the ability to move away from something that scares them or closer to something that makes them feel better. This can cause even more anxiety and a resistance to try the activity again. Taking your baby out or leaving him can make it worse. It is important to always make sure your baby feels safe and comfortable to help him build the confidence he needs to master the milestones.
The therapy worked really well. Tate did one on one therapy in our home for 2 months. Within weeks he was sitting himself up and by the end of therapy he was army crawling and pulling to stand. The therapist only came once a week. When she was there, she stayed on his level and did exercises with him while playing. She stopped if he got over-wrought. She also showed things I needed to do with him everyday to encourage movement and build confidence. Finally at 13.5 months my son crawled for a graham cracker! I was so thrilled. It had been a long process to get to this point, but it wasn't over. He still would not stand alone or walk.
We did not resume therapy, but we worked with him everyday. We also gave him space to explore on his own. He needed some more independent time to get a feel for his environment. I stopped keeping him in the carrier and started setting up play stations in every room for him to have self exploration. It was great. He finally could go out and feel confident. He started making friends and interacting with other people. At 18 months he started walking and he was walking well. It was like he never missed a beat. Suddenly he was just as advanced as every other 18 month old I ran into.
Tate is now 22 months old. He walks, runs, climbs, goes up and down steps and interacts with other children. No-one can tell he was a late bloomer. He is a normal toddler. He is confident and it shows. I am so proud of him because I know it took him so much more work to overcome his low muscle tone and be able to run next to his friends. My youngest son, Braden, is also a little slower on gross motor skills, but this time I am not worried. I know there are great things I can do to help him and that he will get there. It is OK for your baby to be different and acceptance on the parents part helps the baby so much.
When I was dealing with Tate as a late bloomer I did not take the time to reflect on the good things that come out of having a late bloomer. My son and I are very close because I stayed with him. I carried and held him more than I would have if he had been hitting all his milestones. My son trusts me implicitly. He also understands so much because he was close to my face often and watching me talk, cook or sing. His attention span is great when doing activities because he had to wait for mommy to help him through things. He also understands emotion and picks up on it easily, I think, because being a late bloomer was also an emotional time for him. I see him pat his brothers back when brother is upset and give hugs and kisses to his friends.
If you are a parent going through this, I hope I helped. Below are some suggestions for working with your child:
1. Make exercise time play time and stop when he is over-wrought.
2. Only do intense work with him once or twice a week and be sure to give ample nap time on those days.
3. Respond to your babies emotions quickly and confidently.
4. Give him space to try things on his own. It is OK for a baby to fuss when trying to do something.
5. Go at the babies pace. One week try siting up, the next week add one more activity and so on.
6. Think about how you sit and stand and show the baby the proper way to do those activities.
i.e. you don't stand straight up, you usually put one leg up in a kneel and push off to stand. Also, you use your arm or hand on the floor to push yourself to sitting.
7. Don't force a baby to do things by pulling up on their arms and hands. They are not puppets and they need to support their own weight. If they can't support themselves then they are not ready.
8. Accept it will take time and be loving and patient.
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